GET RID OF STUDENT LOANS

  1. hope someone driving a car that isn't street legal hits you, settles out of court
  2. save the child of an elite mafia member who anonymously pays off your loans
  3. sell kidney to the organ black market
  4. the beanie babies we've all been holding onto hit peak value-sell instantly!
  5. buy picture from Goodwill for the frame, find rare Picasso that was misplaced through an art embezzlement gone wrong-Smithsonian and Louvre begin a bidding war
  6. befriend misunderstood elderly person, who is secretly a gazillionaire and leaves you their estate and most importantly their wise words
  7. elect a president that will take down a student loan system with interest rates that are higher than most auto and home loans
  8. Sallie Mae has been caught laundering money through their outrageous interest rates; all student debts are forfeited! Get out of jail free card! Collect $200!
  9. use the gazillion dollars from #6 to pay off everyone's student loans; be nominated for Nobel peace prize
  10. move to the caymans, learn how to hack offshore bank accounts and also how to make a piña colada in a coconut