How to Be Me in 5 Easy Steps
- •In a room full of people, give all your attention to the dogKey - when people talk to you, answer as if they were talking to the dog and you are answering for him.
- •Always drink decaf because you have a heart condition, but pretend to "need coffee in the morning" so people think you're normal
- •Eat dessert after every mealIncluding breakfast dessert and afternoon snack dessert
- •Make exciting plans to hang out with friends then immediately begin wishing they would cancel so you can appear social but actually stay home and watch Parenthood
- •Be wary of childrenThey are unpredictable and leaky and they can see into your soul.