METAPHORS FOR MY MENTAL OVERWHELM AND RESULTING INACTION ON ANYTHING BUT THE MOST URGENT TASKS
Most urgent = Things other people are expecting from me, i.e., client work. That, I fly into a panic over and work incessantly on in half-focused, nervous energy-fueled marathon sessions. But when I deign to turn my focus toward something I "want" to do or "care about" doing, my brain has some crafty workarounds. I like to imagine them as follows.
- •My ideas dogpile into a sleeping bag and cinch the top closed.I try to coax them out, but they just lie there in an amorphous and spiteful lump.
- •My brain squeezes its eyes closed, puts its hands over its ears, and manically hums at increasing volume.Although the thought that my brain literally has eyes, ears, and/or hands (plus, I guess, a larynx) makes me think of those creepy TLC specials about 300-pound tumors with hair and teeth in them, this metaphor feels too apt not to include. (Sorry.)
- •I turn toward an idea, and it fades steadily away, first fuzzing out of focus and then fading / retreating gradually, until I can hardly discern its outline and am not entirely sure it was ever there at all.Like a goddamn ninja.
- •I turn toward an idea, and it shifts to the side, always a half step quicker than me, perpetually stuck in my peripheral vision.In this case, I am certain it's there, but I can't see it head-on. Because it's a little motherfucker.
- •I see an idea jumping up and down with its hand raised in a crowd of thoughts, shouting "Me! Me!". So I move toward it, and it turns tail and runs into the crowd, ducking under things and hiding.It seems to think this is wildly hilarious and fun. I tend to disagree.
- •I'm ready to do something I've really been wanting to make time to do, and my brain says, "Okay, sure, that's a good idea. But what about the 546,000 shows on Netflix you've been meaning to watch?"Gets me every time.