Why Ash Ketchum Was a Terrible PokÉmon Trainer

I wanna be the very best like no one ever was. Despite that, Ash was horrible at training and here's the evidence.
  1. He showed up late for a free Pokémon.
    In a town where he's apparently only one of two children, Ash slept in so late that all three starters were claimed. That means Professor Oak waited around so long that he just gave the other two starters to some random passers by.
  2. He couldn't keep Pikachu in a Poké Ball
    I get it, Pikachu is cute, the real star, and quite possibly Nintendo's biggest cash cow since a plumber chased a Gorilla up a construction site. But even without any badges, Ash should have had no problem controlling the Chu.
  3. He had no idea how to catch a Pokémon
    Here's a kid who's apparently watched the Pokémon League Championships his whole life (which let's move past the fact that this is essentially dog fighting) and at no point did he figure out how his heroes got their collections. Bandwagon!
  4. He sent a bug to fight a bird.
    These days, the Pokémon strength/weakness charts require a passing grade in trigonometry to figure out. But even still, you've got to figure that using Caterpie to fight Pidgeotto is career suicide.
  5. He gives away his Pokémon all the time
    Butterfree fell in love? Bye Felicia. Haunter earned me the Marsh badge? Bye Felicia. My Primeape just won the regional fighting championship after a spur of the moment entry? Bye Felicia!