It's not chill to make fun of people's looks. THIS IS THE EXCEPTION.
  1. A tumbleweed that fucked some cheeto dust
  2. My sunkist knee caps in 6th grade when I attempted self-tanner and didn't realize you were supposed to avoid the joints
  3. An Oompa Loompa that spooned Christian Bale's spackled combover in American Hustle
  4. A cantaloupe that gingerly made love to Guy Fieri's flame shirt
  5. The peach I accidentally left on my counter in my New York apartment when I was fleeing the city before Hurricane Irene and which had exploded in a rotted sticky mess by the time I returned a week later
  6. Someone who filed for bankruptcy four times and believes with the whole of his heart that our president is Kenyan-born
  7. The baby carrot that escaped the bag and has been living in the corner of the crisper for 4 months -- a fuzzy, graying nub you don't want to touch without gloves