REASONS WHY I GAINED 6 LBS IN 2 DAYS

Scale made me cry today.
  1. Halloween candy
    Didn't get a single trick or treater so the candy had to go somewhere aka my mouth in bulk.
  2. Someone told me I was skinny last week
    So I took that and ran with it and decided I was kate moss and Kate moss never has to go to bar method
  3. I'm ovulating?
    Maybe? I have no idea.
  4. Massive hangover
    Which makes it allowed, nay, encouraged to have at least 4 meals before 5pm. You need the nutrients right...?
  5. Grub Hub
    The sinister app that makes it possible to order 4 meals before 5pm while you're watching the vanderpump rules marathon sprawled on your couch.
  6. IPAs (multiple)
    Because the hot vampire guy at Halloween party said its hot when girls drink beer. Naturally he's also the type of hot vampire guy who only likes sharp hip bones sooo make up your mind bud.