1. She was kidnapped by a Mexican drug cartel.
  2. She was riding on a school bus by herself, swaddled and propped up in a boppy, sliding around on the seat. I was appalled that we weren't holding her but my wife insisted she was fine.
  3. She turned into a Tylenol tablet and I promptly dropped her and lost her on the floor of the Gap.
  4. Darth Vader kidnapped her and brainwashed @alissamaynot to convince me that I never had a baby in the first place.
  5. I was changing her and she shrunk down to the size of a toothpick.