THINGS NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT HAVING A BABY

There are probably more but mom brain is real.
  1. You will pee and sweat more in the first week after your cute little spawn is born than you did throughout your entire pregnancy.
  2. Babies grunt and growl like wild animals. All the time.
  3. Babies only sleep while being held at a 62 degree angle, nipple in mouth, as you bounce on a yoga ball and smack them on the bum and Lana del Rey is playing on repeat in the background. Even if it seems they are dead asleep you cannot stop as this is a sneaky trick.
  4. The hardest thing a baby will ever do is poop/fart. Observing this will be both the funniest and saddest thing you've ever seen.
  5. You will find one baby item to become obsessed with and spend all the money you don't have on variations of this item.
  6. Babies are born with huge balls or huge labia. They shrink down to normal baby size within a few weeks but for a while you will be so proud.
  7. You will make your child bleed while clipping their tiny Freddy Krueger nails and it will be awful.
  8. It is okay to have a drink or two while breastfeeding. This has been proven by SCIENCE so BACK OFF AND LET ME DRINK MY BEER
  9. Your kid is the cutest ever and no other baby compares. (They might have told you this one) 😍😍😍