A FEW THINGS THAT AREN'T FUNNY

  1. Tripping at least twice on every walk home
  2. Opening your notebook and finding snot from the night before on your pages but passing it off as spilt tea
  3. Making film jokes in dance class and no one understanding you
  4. Getting hit in the face by a sorority home's sprinkler system
  5. The semi colon tattooed on the inner arm of the phd student that you have a crush on
  6. The same phd student making a joke about Hobbes being lame because he can't use semi colons properly
  7. The girl who cried in dance class today
  8. Snot caught in nose rings
  9. Biting the tips off of my compostable fork
  10. Pressing play on my phone and it shuffling to soulja boy
  11. The man behind me at the library who's on his phone whispering even though there's supposed to be no phones
    This ones more of a miracle that the person he's speaking with can understand him
  12. Randomly choosing a food item to pick up on your walk home and then finding out the line is really long but you've already become a slave to said food item so you have to wait in it even though you're sweating
  13. Taking your first sip of tea in class and it burning the living shit out of your delicate lips and you responding in the most spastic way possible in front of hot rower and his friend and also your hot ta
  14. Smiling at people you know and then realizing they aren't the people you know because the person you know is in the state of California and you're in the state of Washington
  15. The guy next to me at subway who just asked to "load her up" in reference to his sandwich
  16. My lyft driver who says he would do anything to get back to his hometown even though he only lived in it for 2 years of his life
    Like why do people say they're from places that they've only lived in for 2 years of their infanthood?!!!??