1. Wow, real food is amazing.
    Ramen and frozen chicken are not the only food groups when your parents are paying for your meals again.
  2. People don't go out every night of the week?
    I thought Wednesday was a completely acceptable day to go out...
  3. Yes, mom. I will put my dishes away.
    Three minutes later she puts it away and tells me real adults don't have dirty dishes lying everywhere. 😒
  4. No, mom. I'm not sick. Watching 15 episodes of Friends is completely normal nowadays.
    Get with the times.
  5. I should try and lose the 20 lbs I gained over the past four years.
    Sure, I had a multi-million dollar rec center available to me all this time, but now that I have no gym membership and no work out partner now is the time to get my shit together.
  6. Now is a great time to catch up on my reading list!
    Or I could watch a few more episodes of How To Get Away With Murder.
  7. Oh I'm supposed to be job hunting? No way, Dad. Thanks for the advice.
    What happened to we'd love to have you home? Take your time? You deserve a break? It's been a week. Sorry I don't run a fortune 500 company yet.
  8. But on the real, my resume rocks. Why won't anyone pay me to be awesome?
    I'm highly qualified at being the shit.
  9. Why the hell did I ever want to grow up?
    I should have taken a victory lap. Or two.