Crap My Niece Says

So my 26 year old niece/Goddaughter/adopted daughter has been visiting since Friday. And although she always makes me laugh with the things she comes off with - this visit produced some classics.
  1. Come on Slow-Pochio!
    The name she gave to her miniature dachshund when he was taking too long to eat his dinner.
  2. That's a hard no.
    Apparently there are two types of no's. The "soft no" which means it might turn into a yes and the "hard no" which is pretty much the equivalent of a "hell no!"
  3. Is your a#% jealous of the s#%^ that's coming out of your mouth?
    A retort one gives to someone who's obviously bullsh#%ing you.
  4. Carole. That's a fable. You're fibbing.
    Her retort when I told her if I had a choice between white wine and not drinking I might not drink.
  5. You should make a list about the fables you tell.
    Muttered as I was - unbeknownst to her - writing the item above this on the list.