THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED TO ME THIS WEEK

I'm just trying to study for my damn finals but Satan said 'not today'
  1. My car battery completely died and my car has to be towed to the Ford dealership at like 6:30am on Monday
  2. I ate a literal vat of instant mashed potatoes in one sitting and it somehow did not make me feel better
  3. Someone (ISIS I'm assuming) hacked into the State Dept's office and stole all of my personal identity from my internship background check and now my identity is COMPROMISED (the government's own words)
  4. I tried to go to Starbucks to study but SANTA was there and not even his jolly-ness could cheer me up and there were no seats so I was forced to study at home alone
  5. I found out that no one cares about my problems if I bring it up in person so I made a list and now all of you bitches have to sympathize for me