THINGS I WANT FOR MY BDAY THAT I WONT GET

  1. Someone to do my laundry
  2. To put on a production of Godspell
  3. Socialism
  4. For all sex to be great sex
  5. Justice for all victims of police brutality
  6. A live director commentary from Amy Heckerling while we watch Clueless together
  7. A job as a "professional sudokuist"
  8. For all vintage clothes to be available in plus-sizes
  9. Eternal life for my chinchilla
  10. Beards to stay in style