THE LAST 5 TIMES I CRIED
Been feeling all the emotions lately.
- •In the car after a dinner where my brother casually mentioned my grandfather might have lung cancerI come from a steady line of physicians but my brothers and I are the only ones who talk to/ see my grandparents regularly. My brother was visiting out of town and stopped by when they mentioned a lung nodule that needs biopsied. I cried because I know it is cancer, because I feel responsible for not recognizing it earlier, because I don't know what to say to him when I see him, and because my brother literally made this face 😁 when he told me.
- •On the bench as my boyfriend read my quote from the newspaperI was described as "holding two potted plants and a bag from x" and quoted saying "we always hoped they'd close this street down". The most insignificant interview ever! But the way my boyfriend hunted down the physical paper (even though it was also online), quickly searched through the pages, and read it outloud filled me with everything, including pride?
- •On my moms floor after an unfortunate resistance band accidentA rubber band the size of my body snapped across my face. My brother and mom could heard the thud from the room and cautiously asked if I was ok. I said "no" and laughed/cried until my mom assured me I wasn't bleeding. She then asked if I wanted to go cry in the bathroom.
- •Throughout the entirety of my best friends wedding weekendAll the feelings. So proud of who she's become, joyful that she has found what she has always been looking for, envious of the simplicity of her life, unsure of how the future will change our relationship, and worried that I don't desire the same things in life that she does.
- •After reading this, thinking about this, everything about this