PEOPLE WHOSE GARBAGE I THINK IT WOULD BE INTERESTING TO GO THROUGH

Because we all know that one man's trash is everyone else's entertainment. Thanks @erin for this fascinating list request.
  1. Gwyneth Paltrow
    Does she even produce garbage? I feel like it would take a mysterious, magical treasure hunting adventure to find out!
  2. David Miscavige
    Oh the things I'd be able to discover that Going Clear couldn't uncover! Not sure why I just turned into Dr. Seuss, but in all seriousness, do you think Shelly might be in there somewhere...?
  3. Varys (from Game of Thrones)
    He's the biggest mystery of anyone on the show (in my opinion). I feel like it would explain a lot to find out he eats bananas like everyone else or throws away his paper instead of recycling. Or it could be a really horrifying graveyard of dead birds, showing that the "birds" spying for him are literal birds.
  4. Abraham Lincoln
    Who WOULDN'T want to go through ol' honest Abe's trash? I'm sure it's filled with slave owners' tears and the discarded oppression of mankind.
  5. Benedict Cumberbatch
    I'm imagining an adorable scenario where I am a sexy street urchin digging through his garbage when Cumby emerges dressed like Sherlock and asks in his sexy British voice "What in the bloody hell are you doing?" And then he takes me under his wing and we fall in love. Not that I've thought about this a lot at all.
  6. Mickey Mouse
    What secrets are you hiding, Mickey? What skeletons lie beneath your unrelenting happy exterior?
  7. Rand Paul
    He just announced his presidential candidacy today, so let's get digging, people and find something smear-worthy!
  8. Robert Durst
    I wonder what body parts and murder weapons I could find not even buried in his garbage that would then be explained away in court as "self-defense."
  9. David Bowie
    I'm not sure why, but I just have a feeling Bowie's garbage wouldn't be your everyday trash. I feel like there's some weird alien shit in there or something, and I'd be curious to find out.