THE WIVES OF KING HENRY VIII IN ORDER OF AWESOMENESS
Not all wives of crazy, gout-ridden Kings are created equal.
- •Catherine ParrCathy P was a real badass. She outlived her dolt of a husband before he could get rid of her, which is something all the other wives failed to do. She had close relationships with all of Henry's children, was the reason Mary and Elizabeth were restored to the line of succession, and was at some point crowned Queen of Ireland. Plus, by the time she died, she had married nearly as many husbands as her royal husband had wives. Bam!
- •Anne of ClevesAoC might seem like a weird choice, but think about it for a second. She got out of the marriage faster than you can say "off with her head," remained a close friend to the royal family, and died peacefully from natural causes (which is what "most likely cancer" was back then). Who cares if Henry divorced her because she wasn't pretty enough? If I had to choose a wife to be, it would most definitely be Anne.
- •Anne BoleynAh the famous Anne Boleyn, the first beheaded wife of Henry's reign. Some see her as a feminist icon... I wouldn't go that far, but she did successfully manipulate her way into Queendom while becoming one of the key players in the beginning of the English Reformation from Catholicism to Protestantism. Despite her crowning achievements in religious reform, her lack of a son led to a lack of a head (though she birthed Queen Elizabeth I, so that's something).
- •Catherine of AragonHer life just pretty much sucked. After being tossed away for a younger woman, she was banished from court and forced to die alone. Respect though that she never gave up on her Catholic beliefs and considered herself Henry's wife until her death. She was also a humanist who helped the poor.
- •Jane SeymourBoring boring boring. Young, pretty, and soft-spoken, she was the perfect rebound from the fiery Anne Boleyn. Sure she was the only wife to produce a son and Henry called her "his one true wife" or whatever, but I just don't care that much about her. Moving on.
- •Catherine HowardI feel really bad for Catherine Howard. She was way too young and immature to be Queen. Too bad she was hot and the King liked himself some arm candy. But c'mon Catherine, immaturity is one thing and complete stupidity is another. Don't cheat on a man who already beheaded one wife for adultery and has managed to get rid of 3 of his 4 wives. So yeah, she didn't do anything particularly interesting in life, and then she got her head chopped off. Worst one in my book.