THINGS I'VE MISTAKENLY SAID WHILE SUBSTITUTE TEACHING

I already respected teachers, and now I revere them.
  1. "Miralax doesn't work."
    In all fairness to me, a student said something about Miralax first.
  2. "Damn it!"
    I was chided by the students for swearing in school.
  3. "Less poop talk, more reading."
    This was shortly after the Miralax comment. They laughed loudly and started jumping around instead of quieting down.
  4. "Oh God"
    This is a Jewish school where you don't use God's name in vain.
  5. I pronounced one kid's name wrong over and over again.
    The way they react it's like I'm insulting their mother.
  6. "I won't tell if you don't."
    One kid dropped something in the jellyfish tank by accident, so I had to use two sticks as makeshift tongs to get it out. I think the jellyfish might have died. Yes, there was a jellyfish tank.
  7. "Don't ask me. I hate math."
    No, I don't remember 8th grade math. If you tell them this though, suddenly they no longer have an obligation to do work.
  8. "I know all of your names and will tell your teacher who was good and bad."
    Lies. All lies. You all look the same.