Highlights From My Family Road Trip: Hour 2
Holiday trip, D.C. to Pittsburgh. ETA: never.
- •10-year-old daughter puts on headphones and sings along softly to KidzBop versions of "Hot and Cold," "So What" and "Sk8er Boi."
- •Husband and son discuss Minecraft in the front seat.
- •Daughter takes off headphones briefly to point out that KidzBop censors the word "kiss," but not the word "die."
- •Son rails against censorship; illustrates salient points by singing the original Katy Perry line "You PMS like a bitch, I should know."
- •We enter Pennsylvania!
- •I finish drinking enormous McDonald's iced coffee. Need to pee, but NOT WILLING TO STOP.
- •We all make fun of KidzBop change in "Bad Blood" from "Band-Aids don't fix bullet holes" to "Band-Aids don't fix, don't you know." Is that slander? Should Johnson & Johnson sue?
- •We all agree that song would be improved by changing "When you live like that, you live with ghosts" to "When you live like that, you live with goats..."
- •"Baby, now we got bad cud..."
- •In "Uma Thurman," the "blood of the lamb" part has been changed to "the love, the love, the love of the lamb..." The livestock theme continues.
- •Son undertakes complicated negotiation with his sister about who gets to choose restaurant for lunch.
- •Son's preference: Bob Evans. He tells her, "They have a lot of things that might sound bad to you, but they're actually good."
- •Executive decision by the parents: Denny's today, Bob Evans on the trip home.
- •There are tears and yelling, threats and existential angst. IT'S JUST LUNCH.
- •Breathe in, breathe out. Lunchtime soon. God, I need to pee.