So You've Decided Not to Join the Standing Ovation at an Elementary School Holiday Concert

  1. Good for you! The performances, while pleasant enough, were not what anyone would call masterful or transcendent. How will these kids ever improve if we're always rewarding them for imperfection?
  2. Taking a stand by not taking a stand! What delicious irony.
  3. Yep, it looks like you're the only hold-outs. I admire your commitment. In fact, I applaud it, pun intended!
  4. The sad part is, your children probably can't even see that you're sitting down, surrounded as you are by a forest of upright bodies. I hope you'll take a moment later to let your kids know that you opted out of the manic praise-fest. They'll be glad you did. In the long run, anyway.
  5. I mean, "Deck the Halls" was festive (if banal), but "Rock of Ages" was just sluggish. And the kindergarteners were singing so quietly, I could barely even make out the lyrics of that Kwanzaa song.
  6. And what the hell was up with that medieval Italian carol? No one wants to hear that.
  7. Come on, kids. Get it together.
  8. I'd just like to say "Thank you." You've opened my eyes. As soon as this is over, I'm going to take my daughter aside, rip that Santa hat off her head, and let her know that her performance was subpar.
  9. And no, honey, you can't have a cupcake. Cupcakes are for superstars.