Worst Things to Put in an Easter Basket

  1. Hot tar
  2. Soft-serve fro-yo (original tart flavor, no toppings)
  3. Larvae of any kind
  4. Expired car wash coupons
  5. Harry Potter erotica
  6. Selections from the Whole Foods hot bar
  7. "Droppings" from a dog who got into somebody's bubble gum
  8. That goddamn green plastic Easter grass. It would be less messy to fill the damn thing with mud.
  9. Baked beans
  10. Online diplomas
  11. Non-synthetic motor oil
  12. Pat Benatar CDs