REASONS I KNOW AN OLD WOMAN DIED IN MY CURRENT APARTMENT

Finding a short-term, furnished, reasonably priced apartment in NYC is hard. Somehow, I managed to find one. I think I know why.
  1. It has that "old person" smell.
  2. There's a cane in the closet.
    And a walker.
  3. It's less than $2500 a month...and it's big...and it's in East Village.
  4. There's this. And it's crooked.
    Ummm obviously some sort of cryptic ghost message.
  5. There are decorative plates on every shelf, just like at grandma's house.
  6. Grandma would have this too.
  7. There's this lonesome chair in the corner of my bedroom.
    Where I know she sits and watches me.
  8. Somehow, I can sense that she's Puerto Rican and her name is Marta.
    And I don't know how.
  9. Marta's clearly not on vacation.
    So where the f*** is she?! In a home?? But don't you think she would need her cane...