This is what happens when you have a doctors appointment and a job interview in the same say
  1. So my health insurance is finally awesome so I made an appointment at a dermatologist to finally address all of my bad dry skin.
    It's been happening for two years and I wasn't excited to tell the doctor how long I've had a giant red patch on my foot, neck, elbows...
  2. Left work a little early to go across the city to my appointment
    This was one of the peaks
  3. The doctors office Check In was on an iPad where I just type my name
    Amazing. Thank you good hospitals that are utilizing technology!!
  4. So I basically know it's psoriasis but you can just tell the doctor...
    But I give all my info to the Medical Assistant and put on the gown. She says to leave off he bra or underwear if I have any affected areas under them. Leave the bra off. Dammit.
  5. A pretty young woman comes in and announces she is a resident for the doctor.
    Cool, very excited to be a part of her learning experience as a resident. I watched Scrubs.
  6. Start showing some bad skin, try to keep reminding myself this is a doctor and she is comfortable with nudity when I open the gown and lift my boobs
    But in the back of my mind I'm always thinking the doctor is judging. Because if I her I feel like I'd be like... Nice NON SIX PACK...
  7. She says "Okay I want to do a full head to toe"
    Ughhhh fine.
  8. She searches my scalp like she's looking for lice but I get it, bad things can hide on your skin anywhere
    And psoriasis has particular areas it hides and normally presents, so she's gotta check them all.
  9. So I'm being a grown up and showing my boobs like I don't care to be half naked in front of a stranger
    It's weird but okay
  10. And then she says "Okay can you turn around, I need to check your..."
    And I swear at this point she said butt crack, but would she really? That's not medical terminology. And she literally inspects my asshole.
  11. Okay WHOA
    I would NOT have made this appointment if I knew someone was gonna inspect my asshole. Like I would have just kept on living with itchy awful peeling skin if I knew my asshole was gonna be viewed.
  12. And then she looks at my legs and I'm like yeah they're good
    No drama here, they nice.
  13. And then she says "Okay great, so I'm gonna go get my attending and she'll want to do this again."
    And she leaves me there for like FIVE MINUTES. And the whole time I'm like well SHE looked at my asshole, maybe this attending doctor is like real hands off and old school and is like Yeah I trust you girl! And we can avoid the inspection. But based on the way she said it... Someone else is gonna look at my asshole.
  14. So she comes back with the attending and I'm like FUCK
    Because she's more petite and dressed awesome under her white doctor coat and I'm like Shit this bitch is gonna inspect my ass too!
  15. And yes I have to do the whole body inspection again and she looks at my asshole like she's Columbus exploring the New fucking World
    But she's a doctor so it's "okay"
  16. "Yep definitely psoriasis"
  17. "Here's a bunch of prescriptions, should be good. See you in a couple months"
    Great, my asshole can't wait
  18. So I leave and run across the city again to my job interview
  19. The General Manager tries to scare me like This place is really busy and we want everyone that works here to really like it here
    And I'm like dude, this is a part time thing for me, I have a day job and I just wanna food run, but yea I Fucking love this restaurant and am way overqualified.
  20. So I got the job.
    Duh. Start Tuesday.
  21. And the whole time I'm like
    TWO PEOPLE just looked at my asshole.
  22. Thank you for the job.
  23. Peaks and Valleys.