WAYS TO FEEL SHITTY.... OH WAIT JUST ONE

This is just proof I should never have an actual human baby
  1. I have a cat. His name is J Dilla
  2. He was named after the greatest hip hop producer of all time
  3. J Dilla(the cat) was from a litter of a co-worker at the time's slutty little cat
    He claims to have found her underneath two big alley cats, one big and black and one a tabby like her.
  4. Dilla and I have had a lot of roommates. One was the calico of a friend, and two were his actual sisters from his litter!
  5. His sister Leyla lives with us now
    She annoys me sometimes
  6. But they... Love each other
    (FYI that notebook they are laying on is full of pre-List App lists)
  7. They are fat. Everyone makes fun of it like its funny.
    I don't think it's funny. I have cut back on their food to no results... I can't partition food bc they are together in my one room apartment. Doesn't really work.
  8. Two weeks ago I had to buy them different food bc I was out and couldn't get to the grocery store.
  9. Things got weird and I noticed J Dilla was thirsty constantly and the litter box was destroyed within a day, and my bed was assaulted 4 times in a week.
    I hate doing laundry.
  10. I was worried about so many things. Cancer, tumors, food allergies (I have a bunch), and also diabetes.
    I know the signs of diabetes are drinking a lot and peeing a lot, bc anytime I pee more than twice a day I think I have it.
  11. So after my bed being peed on for the 4th time in a week, I knew to take him to the emergency room vet around the corner.
    I ordered a cat carrier last week bc I was worried I'd have to do this. It came today.
  12. So I went and I told them everything and I waited.
    And I waited. And I watched a whole episode of Pretty Little Liars whole distracted as fuck by all the cute sick animals coming into the emergency room and also wondering why the fuck no one is telling me what's wrong with my fat little baby.
  13. And then the doctor came out.
  14. J Dilla is going to be 7 years old this July and he has a very serious medical condition
  15. He has diabetes
    The doctor told me about his levels and insulin and high sodium levels and how dehydrated he is. And I don't know how I only "teared up"
  16. And she says once he gets regular insulin injections and gets on a good diet, he could be non diabetic
  17. And I am overwhelmed.
  18. My poor helpless cat is on an IV, dehydrated, sick, with health issues for which I feel responsible...
  19. And she told me how much money to keep him overnight.
    She said its kind of an emergency but it doesn't have to be if I take him to a vet tomorrow in so many words.
  20. But now I am this guilt ridden mother.
    "Okay keep him here." Give him an IV to get hydrated and monitor his glucose levels and be a better caregiver than me. I'll pay anything.
  21. And then I opened a CareCredit line of credit.
  22. And cried a little but not a lot.
    I overheard an older gentleman talking about his gorgeous golden doodle in her 16th month of Lymphoma who just finished chemo but just stopped eating three days ago....
  23. They asked if I wanted to say Goodnight.
    But how can you look at this face with all the guilt I have?
  24. 😢🐱💙
  25. Also, side note, RIP J Dilla the producer, who died young of a blood disease