DREAM JOBS THAT I AM QUALIFIED FOR

💅🏻
  1. Publicist, but exclusively for celebrity babies
    I'll run their social media accounts (all the posts will be in character), schedule Gymboree appearances, and write age-appropriate statements for the press that are evasive but cute, i.e. "My tummy hurts!" in response to parental cheating rumors. I 100% can do this.
  2. Whatever Jenny McCarthy does on New Years Rockin' Eve
    She's only on camera for a few seconds at a time, asks very simple questions like "What's your resolution?" and, "How's it going in LA, Fergie?" Then picks a random guy from the crowd to make out with at midnight, and presumably gets paid well. I can do this.
  3. Meg Cabot's ghost writer
    Ok, so you know how the author of Gossip Girl had a ghost writer do 4 out of the last 5 books for her? If Meg is planning on continuing The Princess Diaries after "Royal Wedding" and needs help picking up the slack I AM HERE 🙋🏻 I've read the first ten books approx. 816375 times, and I am positive I can do this.
  4. The Melting Pot Spokesperson
    I already do this.
  5. Fairy Godmother-In-Training at the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique at Walt Disney World
    Oh yeah, did this last year 😭