REAL QUESTIONS I'VE BEEN ASKED WHEN PEOPLE FIND OUT I'M FROM ALASKA

And not Anchorage or Juneau. What was described by an ex boyfriend once as "you know the sexier part of Alaska. She's the real deal." Thanks reality tv for educating the masses so accurately. Also featuring the Nick Miller faces I make in response to these enquiries.
  1. Do you mush dogs to school?
    I was 12. I thought they were joking. They were absolutely sincere.
  2. Can you see Russia from your house? *snicker snicker*
    Fuck you. This isn't funny anymore.
  3. Do you guys speak English there?
    ....what are we speaking right now. You tell me.
  4. Is there ever the sun?
    Nope. That bright orb is a totally new thing for me.
  5. Is that actually part of the United States or is it like a Puerto Rico situation?
    Asked by a guy in NYC who worked in "banking" he was 100% sober.
  6. Do you know the deadliest catch people?
    Actually I grew up with them. Yeah I know I know it's bad ass. No. I've never done cocaine with them.
  7. Do you call yourself American?
    Rarely when abroad. It's awesome that most people genuinely believe we are part of Canada/independent/ an anarchist country full of drunks.
  8. Do you have electricity?
    I've been roughing it for 22 years. Never ask me about anything that happened prior to 2011 when I finally escaped from my igloo.
  9. Omg. I loved Balto!
    Stfu about Balto. He wasn't even the real hero.
  10. What is the bush?
    Wouldn't you like to know.
  11. Is it just like Alaska: the last frontier???
    You watch the bachelor meaningfully don't you?
  12. How I feel educating all these people.