I could not be more excited to finally be a parent. But I've always worried that I just won't fit in with the mom crowd.
  1. I don't have a Facebook account. How on earth will I ever compare myself to other moms and prove that I invented motherhood with my witty anecdotes about the things that will ONLY happen to ME (i.e. baby is crying, baby had a diaper blow-out, I am sleep deprived, have you seen how cute my baby is this hour)?
  2. I don't have a Pintrest account. I will never know how to make a three layer cake and throw an extravagantly themed 1st birthday party for my child who will inevitably fall apart and then fall asleep 10 minutes into it.
  3. I will be given a zillion adorable outfits but there is a 98.7% chance that he will wear the same 5 outfits over and over and over again. Just like his mom.
  4. I have a knee-jerk ugh reaction to breastfeeding talk and selfies. I throw up a little every time I hear the phrase "mama's milk". I will never memorialize the act of breastfeeding with a professional photo sesh or by posting a pic on IG. I'm pretty sure this will disappoint both feminists and conservative Christians alike.
  5. I don't sew.
  6. I am not crafty.
  7. But if my child likes frozen chicken fingers, like every other child on the planet, I will be golden.