1. I have never been good at dealing with loss
  2. In high school two of my classmates passed away one as a result of cancer and the other a freak accident.
  3. I never really dealt with or processed these losses.
  4. I always sort of pushed past it, left it for later, and when I would finally begin processing everyone had seemingly fallen back into their routine. Everyone already mourning while I was only beginning to process.
  5. I told myself I was going to avoid the li.st app today. I found out about @biz yesterday and I was equal parts sad and equal parts shocked.
    But I am here.
  6. @biz was the first person to give me the confidence to keep posting on the app. She was the first to like the majority of my lists, she would request li.sts and I appreciated this.
  7. I reached out to her and told her how much I appreciated her and loved her for being so kind.
  8. This was before her long hiatus.
  9. During her long hiatus, I debated with myself whether to reach out and just check up on her.
  10. Hindsight tells me I should have. @biz was welcoming, warm, and fearless.
  11. I remember how excited I was when I saw her posting again. I was happy to see her being active, seeing her li.sts certainly touched me I seemingly magical ways.
  12. @biz was never afraid to share her opinions within this community even if it resulted in backlash. Someone who can do that is certainly brave.
  13. It's weird feeling the loss of a person you never met, but @biz was great at letting herself be known and letting her voice be heard. If only I could have been their to listen. If only I had made myself available.
  14. I have made this list about myself and for that I am sorry.
    Or at least it feels like it.
  15. I am sending her family love, support, and positive energy.