Full Circle 📂

~~~this shits long sorry for bombarding y'all w/ shit li.sts~~~~~
  1. Today was weird and usually this doesn't happen until way way way into the semester.
    Like after midterms and it's nearing finals and I've realized I've fallen behind and I have a lot of failed catching up to do.
  2. Today was one of those days where the world was fogged out and the day felt like a dream.
    You ever have those days?
  3. Everything felt loud and everything looked dull.
  4. I had a 1 o'clock class and I had to drive a station down because parking there was already at capacity. I hate this parking because the road is too narrow to get any leverage in trying to park. I found the perfect spot, though. The type of parking that would leave the nose of the car ready to drive off the moment I put the key into the ignition.
  5. I tried, and immediately I was stuck. I had to D, R and D again. And nothing. I was too close to the car to the left and too close to the car behind me. I was getting sweaty, hot, and nervous. I was stuck and then this guy with a red bucket and beautiful hazel eyes got me out of that mess and into the parking spot I wanted.
  6. I thanked him but it really wasn't enough. He saved me, because I would've hit the car to the left of me if he wouldn't have came around. I only know that because he told me.
  7. I got to campus early and I went to the library to do my readings for tomorrow. I'm sitting and reading and this couple sits a table away from me. When I realize the girls voice sounds familiar.
  8. I look into the reflection of the window we were seated in front of and notice it's a girl I sat with at lunch in high school. We weren't necessarily friends, we just sat with each other. She sat next to this girl she consistently kissed ass for. I knew she knew I hadn't noticed her but she had clearly noticed me.
  9. Because when she packed her shit up to leave with her boyfriend I saw her out my peripheral do some whack ass walk towards me walk away from me type shit. It was the most annoying thing ever and I just wanted to turn my chair around and be like HI! WHAT DO YOU WANT? But I didn't, because this day was already too much.
  10. I finished my reading and headed over to my first class of the day.
  11. A class I found out one of my friends from high school is also in. I knew it when I heard his voice as he mumble to himself the moment we walked into class. He said some shit like, "all these fucking freshman."
  12. I texted him, mind you I have completely distanced myself from this circle and sent him a text that read "so who's going to copy off the other."
  13. It took him a while to reply, probably because he deleted my number, probably because he didn't know what to say to the girl (me) who didn't show up to the lake where he and my [best] friend celebrated each other's birthdays.
  14. He brought it up saying he missed me there and he was happy to hear from me.
    I wished him a happy belated birthday.
  15. He asked where I was and I told him I was here. When class ended early (don't you just love syllabus week?) I ran out of there coming up with an excuse in my mind ready to dish out in case he wanted to meet after class. A liar is always prepared, no?
    It was I went to the restroom in the building of my next class.
  16. It didn't matter though, because he didn't ask.
  17. I walked to the next building and went to the restroom. When I walked out I saw familiar hair and a familiar walk, it was my [best] friend that he celebrated with at the lake.
  18. I was maybe 15 steps behind her and I contemplated running up to her or yelling out her name, instead I did nothing. I watched her walk to the exit at the other side of the building as I turned to walk to my next class.
  19. Every single interaction I have within this group always seems so surreal and fake. It always feels scripted and it makes me extremely paranoid. It's one of the reasons I can't hang out with them, they put me on edge.
    Maybe it's because they're always around one another and they all have that chemistry people on tv be having. The type of chemistry people enjoy watching, but being placed in the circle with all these people who just vibe when you never vibe with them can be intimidating.
  20. All of this, and the day still felt like a dream. I can't even talk about my last class, where we're going to have to read 7 books. That's 15 books this semester that I have to read. I wanted to cry because I felt overwhelmed.
  21. I walked to the station and the day still felt strange. At the crosswalk there was this guy I consistently see on campus. We both recognize each other just for that. I know it, he seems like the type to remember a strangers face. I may be wrong, but I'm usually not.
  22. I get to the station and my train comes. I get on and we get to the next stop. A man sits in the seat in front of me. He doesn't sit in the seat, he's sprawled across it.
  23. I look at him through the reflection of the glass and he's listening to music. I seriously consider asking him what he's listening too. But I realize how rude that would be.
    He is listening to music because he doesn't want to be bothered. It's fine. I get it.
  24. I take a picture of the seat across from me to get a meta selfie and I catch him looking at me. I smile, to make up for that recognized as socially awkward moment. He smiles back.
  25. I keep looking at him through the reflection of the window, not because I find him cute, but because I sense something.
  26. Not soon after he leans his phone in "you're beautiful btw 😁" it reads. Thank you I say and smile. I wondered what it could be that he could find beautiful. It's strange, that compliment, especially when you don't entirely believe it.
    He solved the "what to do when someone's listening to music dilemma" I was having.
  27. He then asked in the same manner "do you mind if I sit next to you," and for a second I almost said yes. And then I said "I do mind." Because for once I wanted to be that girl that says nah. Even though, honestly I wanted to talk to a stranger. I wanted him to read the sentence I wrote for class tomorrow. I wanted to lie about my name.
  28. I said I do mind and I instantly regretted it. I needed a distraction from this weird dream day, and I ignored it. The rest of the ride I tried figuring out a way to retract my initial no. But, it was too late. He moved and I was left with nothing and no one to distract me from this weird day.
  29. Then, I get to my stop and I remember the man with the beautiful hazel eyes and the red bucket and how easily I was able to drive out the parking lot.