A Decision I Have to Make

  1. I have to decide whether I want to have my own children one day.
  2. I'm 17.
  3. I'm in a good place with my treatment right now, but over 50 days of chemotherapy is killing my reproductive system, and a potential bone marrow transplant would practically put the nail in the coffin.
  4. There was a time at the beginning of this year when I could barely look to tomorrow. I am now being asked to look 20 years ahead and make this huge decision for my self whether or not to freeze my eggs.
  5. I would miss school every morning for three weeks to get ultrasounds. I was just getting to go back to school.
  6. I would have to stop dancing for two weeks. I was just getting to dance again.
  7. 3 injections at home a day for two weeks.
  8. Then, the actual procedure.
  9. Repeat everything if necessary.
    It will most likely be necessary.
  10. There is still no guarantee I could have children, and a slightly increased risk of miscarriage.
  11. Yet if I don't do this, I'm terrified I'll look back and hate myself for not giving up these few weeks.
  12. This is another weight to carry. I am worn down.
  13. I am not putting this out here for pity, or to complain. I trust God's plan for my life. But that doesn't mean it's not really, really hard. I just want people to understand.