A Ranking of All the Cities I Visited on Tour*

* excluding New York because 1) I live there and 2) it is the best city in the world and everyone already knows that.
  1. 1.
    Burlington, VT
    A low-key rager town with some of the best coffee I have ever consumed. Highly recommend.
  2. 2.
    Omaha, NE
    My expectations of this town were ridiculously low in comparison to what it ended up being like. Their downtown area is a mini Williamsburg with less pretentious hipsters and no garbage on the street. The people are wonderful, and their coffee is dope.
  3. 3.
    Des Moines, IA
    I spent $32 on eight drinks so it's safe to say I would die if I lived here, but it was a fun little town to get drunk in for a night.
  4. 4.
    Portland, ME
    An adorable small town I wouldn't have minded some more time in. Also found some great coffee there. New England, I'm impressed.
  5. 5.
    Tulsa, OK
    Another place I had very low expectations for but had a blast in. Cheap bars are dangerous.
  6. 6.
    Chicago, IL
    I've been here a handful of times, but having almost 48 hours in it was dope. Cool bars, fun city. Pizza sucks, though.
  7. 7.
    Providence, RI
    I could never live here, but it's a damn beautiful place.
  8. 8.
    Red Bank, NJ
    Nothing super exciting to write home about.
  9. 9.
    Minneapolis, MN
    Wouldn't have minded having more time to explore here, but good vibes for sure.
  10. 10.
    Cleveland, OH
    We found a decent dive bar and the downtown area was nice. That's about it.
  11. 11.
    Sioux City, IA
    I have never felt so far away from New York. I think our show is the only entertainment this place will get all year. They had billboards for it.
  12. 12.
    Reading, PA
    Genuinely don't even remember leaving the venue because we were in straight up Bumblefuck, U.S.A.
  13. 13.
    Rochester, NY
    Basically a third world country because there is no Uber and I had places to go.