After a night out, my friends and I decided to get pizza. Here's what happened.
  1. I get a giant slice of pizza that is precariously balanced on a tiny paper plate.
  2. The pizza falls on the floor.
    Why do bad things happen to good people?
  3. I quickly recover it from the floor and place it back on the plate.
  4. I spend a solid minute staring at my friend who witnessed the whole ordeal.
  5. I spend a solid minute staring at the floor pizza.
    Thoughts running through my mind: do I still eat this? How much do I hate myself? If I eat this, will I die? How dirty is the floor?
  6. I take the pizza in my hand.
  7. I bite into it.
    I am on the verge of tears now.
  8. I chew and swallow.
    Does this pizza taste bad because it fell on the ground or because it cost $3?
  9. I finish the slice of pizza.
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    Apparently I do indeed hate myself.