Van Halen albums from worst to first

By request from Chris Rediske
  1. A Different Kind of Truth
    I tried to like this the way I tried to like the Star Wars prequels. Ultimately, my body rejected them.
  2. Van Halen 3
    The only silver lining, the shows were so poorly attended I got to see Eddie at The House of Blues from 10 feet away. Thanks Garry Cherone!
  3. OU812
    Finish what you started, When it's love then ehhhhh
  4. Balance
    Siamese seesaw kids. I liked some of this but I rarely play it. Can't stop lovin you, Not Enough are highlights. Eddie buzz cut.
  5. 5150
    I died a little inside when I first heard this. I later came to appreciate the songwriting. 5150 is underrated as a guitar riff. Monstrous rhythm. Dreams is the highlight. Clothes and hair cuts were awful. Miami vice pastel cotton shit.
  6. For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge
    Best of the Hagar era. Poundcake, Right now. Drums and bass finally sound good. Also, it spells FUCK which is nice.
  7. Diver Down
    Little Guitars, Hang em High some of my faves of any era. Eddie doesn't like this because the record company forced a quick release for a summer tour. But what the fuck does he know.
  8. 1984
    My first concert at 15. Oh, that's what pot smells like. Smoking angel baby is very disturbing which is very rock n roll. There is not a bad song on here. Very iconic 80s. I like deep cuts like drop dead legs and girl gone bad. Downside: Roth decides he should leave to make movies and spends 30 years trying to get back in the band. By the time he does (reference a different kind of truth above)
  9. Fair Warning
    Man, you could justify this at number one. Mean Streets, Dirty Movies, Unchained. So heavy and rhythmic. Album cover seems to be inspired by Led Zep 4 (man with sticks painting bullshit).
  10. Van Halen II
    The ultimate summer album to get drunk in a parking lot to. Everything is good. Lighting up the skys, women in love, somebody get me a doctor.
  11. Women and Children first
    I'll get some shit for putting this second but this was one of the first tapes I bought with my own money for my boom box and it rocks. Iwo Jima flag raising inspired cover. Cradle will rock and deep cuts like Simple Ryme are killer. Everybody wants some claymation in better off dead is a nice tribute.
  12. Van Halen
    Atomic bomb to my brain. I don't I remember being excited by how something sounded until I heard eruption. This scared the shit out of every rock guitar player on earth. Eddie is the Bruce Lee of guitar. When I see him even now I think to myself "nobody is that good at anything anymore". Atomic Punk, Feel your love, I'm the one.