Very Specific Dating Advice

For my past self and future others
  1. Never date someone whose favorite book is "Portnoy's Complaint" by Phillip Roth!
  2. If he doesn't make eye contact and instead looks slightly to the right or left of you, he's really into you but will never be aggressive in anything related to love! Forget it, girl!
  3. Do NOT see A Beautiful Mind in theaters and expect to make out during the movie!
  4. If his father quizzes you about colonialism the first time you meet him, run!!!