1. I am and always have been a human of regret. Not big regret, I just constantly relive embarrassing or otherwise troublesome small moments where I make dumb decisions or say dumb things. Over and over. My childhood memory is one I would go back and relive in order to change.
    I hope this doesn't become a time travel paradox and create a butterfly effect. One thing I don't regret: taking that random time travel English class in college.
  2. Come with me back to elementary school. We're in maybe third grade. It's summer, and I'm playing with a neighborhood girl.
  3. We're strolling around the block in a red wagon, she's pulling and I'm being pulled around. My hair is long. Like past my butt long.
  4. Girl tells me, "You should let your hair hang over the side. I wonder if it'll touch the ground! I bet it won't!"
    In hindsight, this girl was a manipulative bitch and I was very naive.
  5. Pshh! I thought. OBVIOUSLY it'll touch the ground. So I did it to show her.
    It did. I've always loved proving people wrong.
  6. Girl, "Oh, I guess you're right. It does. Okay, let's go!"
    She starts pulling the wagon with my hair still over the side of the wagon and dragging on the ground.
  7. And then it happens. My hair. Is caught. In. The. Wheel.
  8. I scream.
  9. Like Scream.
  10. Like SCREAM.
  11. 😱
    It's caught and it's pulling kind of tightly, but mostly... My hair!!!
  12. Dumb girl finally stops pulling the wagon.
  13. But it's too late. My hair is stuck. And it's staying that way.
  14. There's only one thing to do:
  15. ✂️
  16. This was very traumatic. I'd only ever cut my bangs prior to this day, and I didn't even like doing that.
    Haircuts are still stressful, because I'm afraid of going too short.
  17. All of a sudden, my hair is less than shoulder length.
    And I hate it.
  18. And since then, my hair never grew back the same.
    And I hate it.
  19. Given the opportunity, I would:
  20. 1. Never be friends with this girl.
    Even though she had the cutest Great Dane that I just loved, she was rude.
  21. 2. Not be an insistent know it all and not listen to her.
  22. 3. Demand that we untangle my hair, no matter how long it takes.
  23. I think everything would work out if I changed the events of that day.
  24. So get me a time machine.
  25. Everything is gonna be just fine.