Passings

❤️ @biz ❤️ Shane
  1. I just found out that someone I knew from college passed away last week.
    Shane.
  2. He was not exactly a friend. He was actually my Piano II teacher and he gave me a B, so he wasn't my favorite.
    This was my sophomore year. I also did not ever practice.
  3. But then I asked his girlfriend to sing for a piece on my senior recital.
    And he offered his piano expertise and accompanied us for our rehearsals. He's a phenomenal piano player. I was thankful, but nervous, because he's so good. After the first rehearsal, I so looked forward to them. He gave constructive feedback that was tremendously useful. And he had a way of not making me feel like a terrible musician next to these talents, two of the best I ever saw in the department.
  4. And after that, I went to a party of a guy I was kind of dating (kind of because it was just a weird, confusing situation) and he was there.
    He made me feel comfortable in an uncomfortable environment. He was very funny and accommodating. He was incredibly witty and sharp. He was so great to talk to. I'd always wondered how he was so lucky to be dating this girl. She's so beautiful, talented, smart, sweet. After talking to him I realized that he is all of those things too— how great he is, what she saw in him. A supremely talented musician with a perceptive brain and giving heart that was so obviously open to all.
  5. I learned this probably in 25 minutes worth of conversation, not including rehearsal time.
    I didn't know anything about him prior to this, despite seeing him twice a week for an hour for an entire semester. Intelligent, funny, dry, sarcastic? Yes, but I didn't know any of those details you learn when you can really see someone. He was indeed a beautiful soul. That was sadly the last time I saw or spoke to him.
  6. I found out about his death from an old professor just a few moments ago.
  7. All still reeling from the news of @biz.
  8. Biz was someone who's presence on this app made me happy. Her like or comment made me feel important, heard.
    It always put a smile on my face to see a notification from her.
  9. I did not interact with her much, but I always noticed when she acknowledged my lists. Always. She knew how to find the ones that were important. The ones that meant something to me. And I noticed her every time.
  10. There was a time, I was in Seattle. We were at a restaurant and our server was named Biz. I was having a really rough day, and was temporarily distracted at the idea that this could be Biz. Our Biz.
    I immediately stalked her lists to find out where she was from and what she did. I didn't know at the time. She had just liked my list about Seattle. Maybe? Unfortunately I learned that it wasn't her.
  11. I don't know what I would have said to her if it was her. But I know it would have made that day much better if it had been.
    This day was the day when my anxiety was at its very worst ever, and I couldn't talk to anyone about it. But talking to Biz, about something, anything, would have helped.
  12. I know it. Because simply seeing a like from her made me smile. Even just then, someone who simply shared her name gave me happier thoughts. I'm thankful remembering that day, knowing that just the thought of her helped me get through it.
    And I'm sad to know that I won't get that feeling from seeing her name in my notifications again.
  13. The last notification I'd gotten from Biz was on my birthday, Independence Day. Another meaningful list to me, pulled from the depths of my drafts.
    A simple like. ❤️
  14. And now I think about how awful it is to lose her. And Shane. These two wonderful people. People who, whether they knew it or not, knew how to make people, strangers, feel so important, so loved.
    And how awful it is that they may not have seen their own importance. I truly hope that they did at least sometimes.
  15. And I think about this beautiful community in mourning. A group of people, strangers who despite this, know how to do that exact thing.
  16. I hope you all know your own importance.
    And I want to thank you for making this stranger feel so important. So loved.
  17. ❤️💔❤️