Reasons why I am in love with Donald Trump

  1. His glowing, bright, tangerine skin
    Because Donald has such luminous skin, he can communicate with the sun beings that threaten to invade the planet earth. They see him as their own, and only he can prevent an attack. This is wildly attractive.
  2. His soft and wispy hair
    It looks exactly like year old cotton candy which is more than any girl could ever imagine for her future spouse.
  3. He wants to date his daughter
    So would I. We have a lot in common.
  4. He's primal, like an animal
    The fact that Donald Trump can blur the lines between being a presidential candidate and being a large humanoid baboon is astounding.
  5. He has hands like a giant
    His big talk isn't overcompensation at all. Nope.
  6. He reminds me of Jesse Eisenberg's Lex Luthor
    Maybe it's the hair, the real estate mogul ideals, or the obvious super villain agenda...but wow. Uncanny.
  7. He is a powerful man
    I am 99% sure he started the Ted Cruz Zodiac Killer thing. And now Trump is the republican nominee. That's no coincidence.
  8. He will build a wall
    His plan makes perfect, economical, and logical sense. I like a man with logic.
  9. Confederate flag, bitch!
    He inspires those mid-civil war slave owner ideals. Nothing sexier.