THINGS THAT HAPPENED AT WORK TODAY

I work at a nursing home, so some of these things are normal. Some are not.
  1. A female US Air Force Lieutenant gave a pin and a certificate to a female resident who was a pilot during WWII. It was pretty awesome. The chaplain introduced himself to the resident, and she responded "Who the hell cares?", which was also awesome.
  2. I discovered that the gross scum in the fish tank that I thought was leftover food was actually murdered fish remnants. There are two fish left now.
  3. I broke up an old lady fist fight
  4. A woman had a conversation with a stuffed reindeer that she thought was a dog.
  5. A man yelled incoherently for 30 mins about Indonesia
  6. A woman told me she always wanted to rob a house. No, she doesn't have dementia.
  7. A woman tricked me into looking at her boobs.
    "Ooooooohh I'm in pain!!!!" "Where?" "Here!" *lifts up shirt and cackles*
  8. I almost lost it on a woman who kept going on and on and on about my weight.
    (I kept my cool though)
  9. I bribed a woman with Gene Kelly
  10. I taught a 90 year old woman about consent and not touching others when they say stop.
    It didn't work.
  11. An old lady called me "Fucko", which is now my new favorite insult
    Usurping the title from the long-reigning champion, "Shitass", which also originated as a nursing home insult