POTENTIAL HUSBANDS

  1. Patrick Ewing
    Could give him the ring he never got
  2. Edward Snowden
    Could fulfill fantasy of living the quiet life, learn to ice skate from Russian pro
  3. Willem DaFoe
    Subject to change based on success of therapist to cure attraction to white sociopaths
  4. Stringer Bell
    Entrepreneur w/ 6-pack
  5. Denis Lavant
    Could teach me how to dance, could reenact fireworks scene from Lovers on the Bridge nightly before bed
  6. St. Francis
    Could get really good at hiking
  7. Werner Herzog
    LOLOLOL jk!!!!