Things to do when you're lying in bed at night

  1. Not sleep
  2. Have your daily existential crisis
  3. Look up recipes
    Save them! Or print them out like I do because I'm an 85 year old woman.
  4. Think about all the types of sandwiches you can make tomorrow
  5. Pretend like you'll actually make any of them
  6. Figure out if you have to pee
  7. Remember thinking about peeing makes you have to pee
  8. Wonder if you can hold it until the morning
  9. Remember you're terrified of peeing the bed as an adult
  10. GET UP TO GO PEE
  11. Make a sandwich while you're up