HOW TO AVOID OCCASIONAL MURDER-Y URGES

  1. Crush a swiffer sweeper into the ceiling to alert upstairs neighbor that you are, in fact, a rage monster capable of mass destruction
  2. Blast Enya / dance like a sedated whale while in parking lot style traffic on the 405
  3. Yell pointed obscenities out of any and all nearby windows
  4. Smash a candle into the wall to awaken snoring neighbor whenever necessary
  5. Shatter a floodlight-esque lightbulb outside your window w a Jesus candle taped to aforementioned broken swiffer
  6. Go to yoga and intentionally fall on someone (armpit first)
  7. Watch a cat vid, wish you were cute enough to scratch someone and get away w it
  8. Steal a new swiffer and break it again
  9. Move out of your home and into dumpster bc that's actually where you belong