A DEFINITIVE RANKING OF EVERY MICHAEL I'VE EVER SLEPT WITH
- •MICHAELYou were French and we only had 12 hours before your flight. I'm fairly certain this was a lie but don't ever tell me that I'm right.
- •MICHAELWe were 17 and your parents were Baptist and Muslim. You thought God was going to punish you but we just made out a lot and nothing happened.
- •MICHAELIt was late and we were in a cabin in northern Michigan. You were straight but six feet of snow and three bottles of prosecco can change reality. 🍾🍾🍾
- •MICHAELFour years of hookups in public and private. We probably shouldn't have done that in that church parking lot.
- •MICHAELYou were the regional manager for Louis Vuitton. Your abs were nice but I couldn't get down with you wanting to bathe me while your Bichon Frise watched.
- •MICHAELI know I was an asshole, but did you really have to stalk me for two years?