A DEFINITIVE RANKING OF EVERY MICHAEL I'VE EVER SLEPT WITH

  1. 1.
    MICHAEL
    You were French and we only had 12 hours before your flight. I'm fairly certain this was a lie but don't ever tell me that I'm right.
  2. 2.
    MICHAEL
    We were 17 and your parents were Baptist and Muslim. You thought God was going to punish you but we just made out a lot and nothing happened.
  3. 3.
    MICHAEL
    It was late and we were in a cabin in northern Michigan. You were straight but six feet of snow and three bottles of prosecco can change reality. 🍾🍾🍾
  4. 4.
    MICHAEL
    Four years of hookups in public and private. We probably shouldn't have done that in that church parking lot.
  5. 5.
    MICHAEL
    You were the regional manager for Louis Vuitton. Your abs were nice but I couldn't get down with you wanting to bathe me while your Bichon Frise watched.
  6. 6.
    MICHAEL
    I know I was an asshole, but did you really have to stalk me for two years?