TIMES I DID THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT I MEANT TO DO

The mind works in mysterious ways!
  1. Called my mom blacked out at 3am on a Wednesday and didn't recognize that it was my own mother.
    It was about two months into college. Also told her I was walking home alone.
  2. Said "never have I ever" hooked up with someone in the spot we were sitting in, but I had, with someone currently playing the game.
    Got called out immediately.
  3. Being mean to any guy I had a crush on, rejecting them, encouraging them to hook up with other girls...
    Defense mechanism or self sabotage?
  4. Cried when I was mad about something.
    Too many specific instances per day.
  5. Irish exiting every party I've ever been to.
  6. Insisted on taking an expensive art class, then only went to the first two classes.
    I didn't even drop it or anything??!
  7. Got drunk the night before the SATS and got a worse score than my first try.
    How?
  8. Saw a former classmate at my shitty job- after he bragged about working for a senator I told him that this was really just part-time, and I also worked at Starbucks. 😩
    Why?? I also work at a film festival but made no mention of that?
  9. In first grade my mom told me not to take my sweater off that day, because I was only wearing a little camilsole underneath. I took it off and she busted me because SHE WAS A TEACHER AT MY SCHOOL.
    Why.
  10. Came out of a brown-out hanging out with a group of tough looking men. Told them "wow that was really bad- you guys could have like raped me!"
    They were very kind and did nothing to harm me.
  11. When I was 4, my Dad told me not to touch the waffle iron, and as soon as he turned around, I put my whole palm down on it.
    It set a precedent for my life.