The Worst Date I've Ever Been on 😖

Inspired by @ListPrompts
  1. I can't make up lies or excuses on the spot. It takes time.
  2. For some reason I feel so bad when men have the courage to ask me out that I can't say no.
  3. Both of the above items have put in very awkward positions, such as "the worst date I've ever been on"
  4. I was in my own little world one Sunny day to check the mail. One of my neighbors that I had never met, and had a good 40 years on me, ambushed me on the way to the mailbox.
  5. We talked about how our mail arrives later and later, and how the mail service might not deliver on Saturdays anymore. All topics of conversation suggested by my elderly-ish neighbor that finds such actions by post office just plain outrageous, and is almost personally offended.
  6. I had my guard down, never thinking this man that could easily be my grandpa, would ask me out.
  7. He did.
  8. My inability to come up with a good lie, and my chicken shit personality, made me just blurt out," Yes!" And then I felt like the kid on Christmas story when helping his father change the tire, and drops the nuts to the tire," fuuuuuuuu**********kkkkkkk". I also readily handed over my phone number so he can feel better, and then I can't.
  9. Due to my somewhat naivety with the opposite sex, I still think it's a lonely man just wanting to hang out with someone, anyone, that will talk to him.
  10. I was smart enough to have the wherewithal to not ride with him in his minivan and made some excuse to meet him at his favorite spot, Old Chicago.
  11. Meanwhile, I tell my friends and family about this planned meeting. Every single one of them either laughed at how naive I am, or because they could only imagine how this was going to end. They told me," you realize this is a date, right?" I was still in denial.
  12. I show up to the restaurant to find him already sitting there. With a giant leprechaun type hat, just chilling like he's not the only one there wearing a leprechaun hat. It wasn't St Pattys day. It's wasn't even close. It was just a normal day in November.
  13. But wait! He has a hat for me too. "I can only borrow it, I can not keep it." My choice: A red and white striped Cat in the Hat hat that stands 3 ft tall, or a Santa hat. Both of which have obviously been worn as they were dirty and had someone else's hair all over them.
  14. I changed the subject every time he brings up me putting on a hat, which was about 6 times. The 7th time I finally grew some balls and told him (nicely) I didn't want to wear a hat.
  15. He brought a family photo album to show me, particularly ones from the 80s when he used to "love to ski". His ski outfit was fluorescent, and he was so proud he still had the jacket and wore it all the time.
  16. After an excruciatingly long dinner and odd conversation we finally parted ways with no attempt at a first kiss, thank you baby Jesus.
  17. I still had to see him because he is THE WalMart greeter at the one I frequent. I always pretended like he would never remember what I looked like or who I was so I always said hi in a way that suggested we were meeting for the first time.
  18. I'm not proud of inability to say no to situations like this.
  19. I still get crap from everyone I know 4 years later. As I should.