THINGS MY JEWISH MOTHER TEXTED ME THAT MAKE ME LAUGH
Let me preface this list with the following information about Sue Keeney: she does not check her texts for grammatical errors and she is, like all Jewish mothers, crazy balls. And I love her.
- •"Ok there's chicken noodle in the pantry I'll make it fit u."I was sick this week and staying at her house. Very nice of her to make me soup—except I don't eat chicken, and haven't for ten years.
- •"Did you turn off stove?"She's been getting over a lingering cold and insists on leaving a pot of water on the stove over low heat all day long, but frequently leaves the house and forgets about it. Might I suggest, a humidifier?
- •"Where is my car? Seder? Call me. Now."Passover can be a very confusing holiday.
- •"cool...rocking letter chelsea...boss daughter"In response to the Mother's Day card I made for her. Sue Keeney will always be the baddest bitch I know. I often call her boss mom.
- •"Stop at target and buy monopoly"I respond, "wtf?" She responds, "JUST DO IT"
- •"ju want chill polite"She meant Chipotle... I suspect she was texting and driving in the parking lot at Chipotle.