THINGS I DO AT WORK WHEN I HAVE NOTHING TO DO AT WORK

  1. Fill my Amazon cart and contemplate what hitting the "Place Order" button would feel like
  2. Scroll back 5 days through each social media app on my phone
  3. Stare out the window at the lady that feeds the cats even though we've received numerous emails instructing us to not feed the cats
  4. Look at my computer intently when people walk by
  5. Contemplate cat-lady's existence and what lets her so boldly break the rules without inhibition
  6. Rummage through my secret snack drawer
  7. Reorganize my office supplies
  8. Create a giant rubber band ball
  9. Fake sneeze to see if anyone will bless me
  10. Calculate in my head how much money I just made sitting doing nothing
  11. Scroll through old emails to see who was nice and who was mean
  12. Come up with a new tag line that sounds nice but secretly means F.U. and note to send it to the individuals whose emails make my blood boil
  13. Count how many times I can go to the bathroom before people start asking if I'm okay
  14. Make an elaborate mini replica of the Iron Throne out of paper clips
  15. Start low humming like the air vent to see if anyone gets worried
  16. Fill in my calendar with fake fancy appointments that will also get me out of future lunch plans
  17. Write lists of all the things I do when I have nothing to do at work
  18. Hope the end is nigh