CELEBRITIES I WANT TO BE BEST FRIENDS WITH BUT DEEP DOWN I KNOW WE'D NEVER GET ALONG

  1. Jessica Chastain
    This is my saddest truth of all truths. We would never work. I'd take incredible candid photos of her at brunch (insta would blow. up.), but she'd insist I caption them with the sunflower emoji. The sunflower emoji will break us up.
  2. Laura Linney
    How dope would it be to just get a fucking cup of tea with Laura Linney and talk about literature all afternoon until you remember you hate tea and the last book you read was The Help because Jessica Chastain was in the movie.
  3. Ruth Wilson
    She wouldn't get ANY of my 30 Rock references.
  4. Ruth Wilson's upper lip
    👄👄👄
  5. Dermot Mulroney
    I would absolutely insist on recreating My Best Friend's Wedding in its entirety every single day, which he would find endearing at first, so he'd play along. After seven years, though, I think he'd be like "HARD OUT." That will be the end.
  6. Beyoncé
    Because this would make me Gwyneth Paltrow, according to Gwyneth Paltrow. And when has that ever worked out. (JUST KIDDING #COUNTRYSTRONG FOR LIFE LOVE U BB)
  7. Stana Katic
    I'd stare at her gorgeous face while she watches The History Channel, but when the ASPCA commercials come on, she'd get all political and environmental and insist we go on a nature walk. Sorry but no, you beautiful unicorn.
  8. Blake Lively
    She'd probably bake delicious cupcakes "just because," but I'll question her motives because I'm insecure around her which would lead to a bigger fight about body image and I just couldn't handle it. I wouldn't erase the photos of us on my phone, though.
  9. Harper and Gideon Harris-Burtka
    You just don't see many human adult/toddler buddies these days, so it wouldn't really have anything to do with them; society would be responsible for driving us apart.
  10. CONNIE BRITTON 👑
    Well, her name autocorrects to all caps, so my guess is she has no interest in pursuing this.
  11. Kylie Jenner
    She's cool af but I feel like typing her name just put a curse on my entire family.