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Let me tell you about The Shirley Story.
  1. We read a story in Glamour during our freshman year of college.
    We decided to re-read it every December because our friend group had just formed and we were desperate for traditions.
  2. The story is about a woman who was kidnapped as a child.
    Her life was full of drama and tragedy. It's honestly a very upsetting tale.
  3. The tradition is that I read the story aloud.
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We appreciate any and all gifts, but these are the best. Bonus points if you include your family's holiday card!
  1. 1.
    We'll also accept checks! Some parents are embarrassed to just give money, but it's what the teachers are hoping for. Just think of it as a tip!
  2. 2.
    A heartfelt thank you note
    I hang all my thank you notes up on my wall. I absolutely love them and can't read them without crying.
  3. 3.
    Cafe gift cards
    I'm so rich in Starbucks gift cards that I can't even remember the last time I paid for a latte.
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Following a recent professional setback, I've been a bit hard on myself. When things like this happened in high school, my therapist would remind me of all my successes to prove that I'm not actually a failure. This is what I imagine she'd say to me today.
  1. You're the lead teacher of a popular, one-of-a-kind toddler program in Boston.
  2. You also make the curriculum for all the classes.
  3. And you're a lead teacher in the general childcare room.
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I thought my brothers were pretty great until I started watching Arrow. Then I realized they could be so much better.
  1. He straight-up murders people for her.
    I have two older brothers. One of them would never murder someone for me. The other brother is a bit of a wildcard, but I doubt he'd murder for me.
  2. He resurrects her.
    If someone stabbed me and doctors gave me a 0% chance of survival, my brothers would accept that and just be sad. They wouldn't carry me to a special Tibetan hot tub to restore my life.
  3. He trains her weird boyfriend to be a vigilante.
    If I dated someone like Roy, my brothers would just talk about him behind his back. They wouldn't invite him into their vigilante family.
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Some of these things may exist and I just lack the tech skills to find them.
  1. Folders on TiVo
    I love folders and I love television. Let's combine those passions! There are 5 people in my household, and we have a lot of recordings. It'd be nice to sort them. For example: group shows, Chelsey's Lifetime movies, Disney movies, sports puck, and impulse recordings.
  2. Lefty settings on Apple products
    Apple claims their products are intuitive, but iOS9 does not mesh with my lefty intuition. If I could switch my Wii to lefty settings, I should be able to switch my iPhone.
Even three-year-olds can be passive aggressive.
  1. "What's in your mouth?"
    It was toilet paper, so I said, "Spit it out into my hand!" She did. It was gross.
  2. "I want to read a Mickey Mouse book!"
    So I asked, "Where is your Mickey Mouse book?" She said, "I don't have one." We read Angelina Ballerina instead because a mouse is a mouse.
  3. "I'm sorry I threw my toys, Chelsey."
    She hugged me, and I said "I'm sorry I got mad at you." She said, "I was mad too." Why? "Because you were mad."
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Please don't let me use a paper clip as a wallet or put ice cubes in red wine.
  1. Intense Mike & Ike cravings
    I'm one Mike & Ike box away from diabetes.
  2. Afternoon naps
    We both have jobs, yet we find a way to be home for a 2pm nap at least once a week.
  3. Having a side of cheese with a sandwich
    There's cheese on the sandwich, too.
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There's a reason people don't invite me places.
  1. Used the 1-person family restroom
    Chuckles and I took turns. While waiting for them, I noticed the women's restroom was literally right next to it. People saw us make this mistake.
  2. "Miriam, look! A cat!"
    It was a dog. A husky, to be exact, which happens to be the team's mascot.
  3. I'm avoiding moving/talking for the rest of this game.