DON'T LET THE MALL LOTION MEN TALK TO YOU

A mall encounter of the worst kind
  1. Here I am shopping along when I hear "Hey Kate Spade bag"
  2. And he might as well been saying "Hey big spender"
  3. But jokes on him cause that large Kate spade bag was full of empty boxes for stuff I ordered online.
    Cyber Monday, yo.
  4. And he's waving a little lotion sample in my face so I like take it to be nice
  5. AND THEN HE GOES
  6. "What do you use for your dark circles?!"
  7. And like whoa you can't ask me that stranger danger lotion man
  8. "Here let me have you try a sample"
  9. AND I FOLLOW HIM INTO THE STORE
    His back was turned I could have made a run for it what was I thinking.
  10. His name was probably Paolo even though I'm pretty sure he was middle eastern and not Italian, but if Lizzy McGuire taught me anything it's that Paolo's are not to be trusted
  11. "Here, sit here. This is the VIP section, so don't get used to this"
  12. OKAY CHELSEA JUST TELL HIM YOU AREN'T INTERESTED OH NO WHAT IS HAPPENING
  13. "Blah blah serum blah diamond dust let me just tough your face and put this underneath and don't scream when you look in the mirror cause it's a regiment but it will look better"
  14. "I see you don't really use makeup. Well if you aren't going to use makeup then you need to take care of your skin"
    Obviously this dude has not read my secrets to having great skin list
  15. IS MY EYE BURNING?!! AM I ALLERGIC TO DIAMOND DUST? It feels like it's burning... Can I get something if it's burning?
  16. "So as a special today, here let me show you these prices, so as a special today, see look at all this stuff, and this is $4000 but that serum is $400, a bargain! And I can get it for you today for $99"
  17. $4000 for lotion. He must have not been paying attention when I said I worked for a non profit.
  18. "YEAH NOT TODAY K THANKS BUH BYE"
  19. Moral of story: ignore the tall, dark, and weird mall lotion guys.
  20. They will touch your face