Thank you @angusisley for this list request. It's all I want to do.
  1. KING: Liam
  2. WARRIOR: Louis
    He will totally get into a twitter fight with you if you rag on the fandom or his boys. And he will win.
  3. MAGICIAN: Harry
    See, your instinct might be to put Harry as Lover because he's the only one non-fans have heard of (well, before the whole Zayn thing) and they've only heard of him because historically he's gotten the most press for dating models and Taylor Swift and whoever, but I'm putting him as Magician because he's such a super-charismatic baby Mick Jagger that even straight guys have to admit he's got sumthin. Magic!
  4. LOVER: Niall
    Ball of sunshine! Loves food, loves life, loves the fans, loves everything. Plus there's a youtube of him running down a hallway and somebody yells "We love you Niall!" and his response is to seamlessly 1) yell "I love me!" 2) jump in the air 3) keep running. It's delightful. You know what else was delightful? Making this list. Thanks again Aaron!