WHY YOU SHOULD HIRE ME

A realistic cover letter
  1. I have a college degree
    I was told this would help.
  2. I don't have any tattoos
    Mom said this would help too
  3. I have a background in customer service
    I know how to talk to strangers and help people even when they are rude or incompetent
  4. I will make good jokes to you under my breath
    One of my greatest strengths since middle school
  5. I have a top notch t-shirt collection you will look forward to seeing every day
    I hope I can wear t-shirts at this job
  6. I am very chill
    By this I mean I have been called "unflappable" in the workplace, and even when I am very stressed apparently no one can tell.
  7. I am detail oriented and have great time management skills
    I mean I'm competent so I'll get the job done.
  8. I know all the words to Baby Got Back
    I retain information well
  9. I have dimples
    Big ones.
  10. I want to get this show on the road
    I want to end this train of year-long service jobs and settle into a career I want to have for longer than a decade
  11. I don't want to be a 25 year old intern
    I know I don't have the required amount of experience, but seriously just give me a shot at the real thing, I can do it!